Convenience :: the lie that makes running late look like hate

I need some serious help. I mean, the sort of help a mirror provides. Or maybe candid camera minus the jokes and laughing.

Really.

I have been believing a lie deep down in the center of my being that says my life should be easy.

Convenient.

I live like being able to get the right key into the garage door while in the snow holding a baby carrier (topping off at over 30 lbs) and diaper bag should look and feel like a commercial for chocolate cake! Fluffy. Fun. Smiles.

While one of my non-baby kids wants to talk about what they found in the snow while the other runs the wrong way.

By the way, we are already 2 minutes late.

And 2 minutes makes me believe the lie more than 10 minutes. Why? Because 2 minutes is so close! So close to the goal that I set and worked towards over the past 3 or more hours. I budgeted and crunched minutes to accomplish so many vital tasks all to get myself and three little ones out the door only to be thwarted and mocked by those 2 minutes. And that’s when the lie turns ugly. I press on with the belief that life should be hard-work-free and a revolt rises within me to face this truly-hard-work of getting out the door…

{pause: please know that this post is in answer to one specific situation and yet it is truly applicable to all areas of my life. So feel free to ignore specific details and relate to me on the main thought. Convenience is food for the entitled. And I’m not feeding that rotten stuff to my soul anymore.}

…And the revolt looks like a monster-version of me with face contorted in anger and teeth bared. I measure out my words painfully slow so that there can be no confusion as to what I want in this moment Get. In. The. Van. Now.

convenience

Buckles buckled. Bags in. Doors closed. Garage opened. Van started. And I’m still not breathing.

That’s when it broke me. The lie. The hate. All of it.

I don’t look like this inside. I am not controlled by anger {anymore}. I have been beautifully set free by the Spirit who dwells within me. He has made my heart His cozy home, and with Him I enjoy so many gifts that I’m sure I could not count them all. And I don’t hate my God-image-bearing children! Inside our home, all sinfulness and pride aside, I treat my children like the treasures that they are! My greatest joys and deepest delights. So why? Why. Why do I believe that this stage of life should be convenient? How can I erase all the angry-mom-eyes that my children have seen?

I need to stop.

What happened to me in the garage today was a God-moment. He was the mirror that I was in need of. He gave me that moment of pause to see what I was becoming. Doing. He knows me better than I know myself, and He was gently and tenderly just showing me – the inconvenienced me. There wasn’t a blaring alarm going off inside my head. No avalanche of mom-guilt. I wasn’t embarrassed by the thought of what if the neighbors see me. Just a mirror. A moment to see what they see. Little eyes. Huge hearts. Taking in this moment as truth.

And that’s when I realized I have to stop believing this lie that Convenience is King, because they are receiving the message loud and clear. What’s worse? The fact that this message trumps all the other messages I intentionally sent them over the course of the morning. The little loving ways that I prepared them for their day, fed them, cuddled them, sang to them. All Gone. All because I was inconvenienced. The louder the message, the more soul shaking the tone, the more results. And in that moment of running late, I was sending the message to my children that said this is not okay, and somehow this is all your fault.

Well, I have a new message. Convenience has been dethroned. Christ is indeed King of this mama and this home, and I will submit to His rule and order in my life.

So what does dethroning convenience look like? Let me take a good long look at the difference between what I value. Convenience? Or patience?

I could go on, but I’m getting the point. I want to value patience in my life above convenience. And even though this is not a resolution post, it is a reality post. I want to be more real. And live on purpose. So, I will take the time to slow down and practice what I preach.

Don’t leave me hanging. Do you ever think like this? 

16 thoughts on “Convenience :: the lie that makes running late look like hate

  1. Oh girl! You’re so not alone… that dreaded “moment” of getting out of the house somehow turns normal me into super-charged rhino me – and it’s ugly. He is working on this in me too. 🙂 Great post!

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  2. Oh girl! You’re so not alone… that dreaded “moment” of getting out of the house somehow turns normal me into super-charged rhino me – and it’s ugly. He is working on this in me too. 🙂 Great post!

    Like

  3. I love your eyes for eternity in the everyday nitty gritty. I don’t need to elaborate for you to know how true this post is for me as well! Especially with my “how slow can we go?” child. 🙂
    A few quotes I read today that brought me back to this post.

    “When circumstances rise to levels of importance way beyond their actual importance, they exercise more control over us than they should … The resurrection of Jesus and the hope of forever give us a sense of priority and proportion.” ~Paul Tripp, Forever (pg. 87)

    “Peace is found only in knowing that this world is meant to prepare us for the next and that the temporary pleasures and pains of this world are not our final address. When we live knowing that the God of grace will lift us out of this broken world and is now readying us for the world to come, we can face difficult without wanting to give up and experience pleasure without becoming addicted to it. We live with hope in our heart, eyes to the future, and hands holding this present world loosely.”
    ~ Paul Tripp, Forever (pg. 37)

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    • “Beyond their actual importance…” Yes! Isn’t that just how my heart works. I turn something good and relatively important into an all out idol. Moment by moment grace is the only answer, right? Thank you so much for sharing these quotes. I’ve thought of them often and even rereading them has been so helpful.

      Like

  4. I love your eyes for eternity in the everyday nitty gritty. I don’t need to elaborate for you to know how true this post is for me as well! Especially with my “how slow can we go?” child. 🙂
    A few quotes I read today that brought me back to this post.

    “When circumstances rise to levels of importance way beyond their actual importance, they exercise more control over us than they should … The resurrection of Jesus and the hope of forever give us a sense of priority and proportion.” ~Paul Tripp, Forever (pg. 87)

    “Peace is found only in knowing that this world is meant to prepare us for the next and that the temporary pleasures and pains of this world are not our final address. When we live knowing that the God of grace will lift us out of this broken world and is now readying us for the world to come, we can face difficult without wanting to give up and experience pleasure without becoming addicted to it. We live with hope in our heart, eyes to the future, and hands holding this present world loosely.”
    ~ Paul Tripp, Forever (pg. 37)

    Like

    • “Beyond their actual importance…” Yes! Isn’t that just how my heart works. I turn something good and relatively important into an all out idol. Moment by moment grace is the only answer, right? Thank you so much for sharing these quotes. I’ve thought of them often and even rereading them has been so helpful.

      Like

  5. Hi Cara, stopping by from the (in)Couraging writers group. I have so been in this place before. The hurry up place. The get moving place. Argh! Loved this post.

    Like

  6. Hi Cara, stopping by from the (in)Couraging writers group. I have so been in this place before. The hurry up place. The get moving place. Argh! Loved this post.

    Like

  7. Wow. Thank you for your honesty, Cara. This is so where I’m at every time we leave the house. God has used my boy to bring that sin in my heart to the surface, and my tender-hearted girl as a big ol’ mirror. Oh how I pray that their little hearts can see the gospel in my apologies for the angry-mom-eyes.

    Like

  8. Wow. Thank you for your honesty, Cara. This is so where I’m at every time we leave the house. God has used my boy to bring that sin in my heart to the surface, and my tender-hearted girl as a big ol’ mirror. Oh how I pray that their little hearts can see the gospel in my apologies for the angry-mom-eyes.

    Like

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