anxiety isn’t an end, it’s a means

So I hear myself saying I was just so anxious. Or I couldn’t {fill in the blank} because I was so nervous. Is that it? Is that the end of the issue? I’m just anxious, so I do or I don’t have to live in that moment? I stop being able to act or change because of how I feel/worry/fear/panic/respond to hormones?

I was home again from church on Sunday. Years ago, I would have cringed at the thought of how lonely life would be if I had to miss being with other believers on the Lord’s Day, but now I accept this providence. I receive loneliness; embrace it. And I make use of the empty space to fill my mind with resources from godly sources online.

Like listening to Pastor Mark preach this sermon: What Are You Living For? In the Get Real series he preached over 4 years ago on the book of Matthew. Amazing. This sermon was based on Matthew 6:19-34. I laughed and cried, received grace and conviction. Truth has a way of breaking and remaking. I needed to be reminded to Worship not Worry. To serve God not Gain. And I’m living here:

“It means you do two things: First, get tough with yourself and pray through the seven promises or as many as you can remember: “Lord help me, this worrying is sinful, it isn’t doing a thing, I know that I can trust you; you have everything I need; I want to do your will; and I believe that there is enough grace for what I face today.” Secondly, use the temptation to worry as a reminder for what you are really living for – “God, my heart is so weak; I’m so filled with anxiety, and I want to renew my commitment today to live for your glory, not my own satisfaction. Help my joy to be in you, not my circumstances. Help me to live for the worship of you not for worry.”

And as I mulled these thoughts over I had to ask myself, why do I allow anxiety to stop me from living in any given moment? What does the presence of anxiety say about the presence of my faith? And then conviction came crashing in like a flood. I know my anxiety is like the check engine light in my car. It’s a warning. Faith is low. Trust is leaking. It’s time to renew my thoughts. Prayer needs a change of spark plugs.

And sometimes I need a couple doses of the same medicine.

“Hey Soul? Looking ahead at this week?  Worry is a place of pain —  let’s come away from there. Worry is practicing the absence of God’s presence; Joy is the practice of breathing in God’s Presence…God’s very name YHVH (יהוה) means “Presence” — I AM.

“You make known to me the path of life: in Your PRESENCE there is fullness of JOY.” Ps. 16:11

The present moment is the only place joy can be received — because it is the very place where God’s presence is: I AM. So just for today? Keep breathing deep & Practice the Present Moment: Joy is always the practice of breathing in God’s Presence… #HappyMonday #PreachingGospeltoMyself  ~Ann Voskamp

So there are two ends: belief or unbelief. Anxiety is a means toward unbelief. Rehearsing the promises of God is a means toward belief.

If His eye is on the sparrow, do I believe He is watching me? I will live out my beliefs. And sometimes living in anxiety convicts me that I don’t believe He’s watching. Or caring.

I’ll share more on the promises I need for moments that leave me anxious tomorrow {aka the story of the sicknesses}…

One thought on “anxiety isn’t an end, it’s a means

  1. Pingback: the barrier to my belief {story of sickness} | Write Season

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s