If I had to summarize life right now with one sentence, all I would want to say is: I love my family.
The Lord is disciplining me, and before any assumption ensues, this discipline is not a harsh consequence due to a sin(s). I also don’t want to give the impression that I’m being made a victim in my own life. And I’m not talking about bed rest yet. Wow. Listen to me, I’m not making sense at all. So let me start again, from the beginning.
I was quiet in the month of March. Quiet down in my soul. I didn’t have anything to write. I didn’t have much to say. I was observing my choices and my routine, and doing the mental math. My living wasn’t equal to the life I’m called to live. I realized through a course of introspection, prayer, and confrontation that I was the problem in the equation. I was the variable that wasn’t measuring up.
And in a song, I heard the comforting calling from the Lord: you’re restless without me.
From that moment, I turned back to Him realizing that in big and small ways I had gotten into a disorderly mess due to my own attempt to do it on my own. That day began the journey of discipline, and I am delighted to say that it is continuing even now.
I’d love to write more in detail of the many things I’ve learned in a few short weeks: reading this book, going to this conference, and hearing these speakers: Dr. Kathy Koch, John Rosemond, Kirk Martin, and Amy Quakkelaar. Through these the Lord divinely planted in my heart the desire, drive, and direction for His discipline.
What does this new discipline look like? I really can’t answer. I couldn’t diagram the plan – it wasn’t my plan to design. I just know this is the beginning of something long-lasting, and although I was at first tempted to throw in the towel when the direction bed rest was spoken, I have since been surprised and delighted by the revelation of the Lord that this is plan A. This is the process of discipline for me. It isn’t a side step, and I’m tickled to see growth in my heart.
I hope this process includes more writing. I’d love to share in greater detail what I’m learning. Life of paper. But for now, just know that I love my family.
Rob who is the perfect partner for me. He gets me and can think like me. His anticipation of my feelings and needs are a treasure.
JoeAnna who is embracing her style and growing in compassion. She is creating and dancing, and she is being hugged lots more from a mama who wants to see and fill her need.
Graham who is transitioning into an independent little boy and learning faster than he is taught. He is driven and competitive, and yet concerned for others to the core.
And our sweet little Emmett. We haven’t met him yet – thankfully! But he is already deeply loved and protected by us all.
We all fit together. We make up this life as we know it. And it’s a good life.